Looper

Joseph Gordon Levitt + Bruce Willis impressions + science fiction = ???

Dead Space: Ignition

As part of the release of Dead Space 2 last year, Visceral Games released this cheap, little mini-game collection as an interqual for download on Xbox 360 and PS3.  As someone who must play every game in a series to feel like I've accomplished something in my life, I downloaded it myself before playing Dead Space 2.  I'm only a year behind in game playing.  Woohoo!

Unlike the Dead Space game, there is almost no action to be found here, just some mini-games that, once figured out, are pretty darn easy.  The game follows a pair of space police, constantly on the run from the necromorph invasion (corpse monster-zombies to you), with only your ability to complete hacking puzzles standing between certain death and escape into the next comic-book style cutscene.  The games include a cute little hex-based real-time strategy game, a decent light-bending puzzle, and a freaking obnoxious and stupid "racing" game.

This hacking game sucks.

You can follow four pathways so, if you're a completionist like me, you can replay the game a few times with a couple of different puzzles scattered throughout.  I really like how the story utterly changed when following each pathway, basic choices to go one of two ways, casting you as a cold-blooded zealot in one and as a forlorn lover in the next, all dependent on the arbitrary decision of whether you go in the vents or take the long way around.  Kinda weird, but, it works fine if you're into Dead Space fiction.  The mini-games start a little confusing, get really fun when you master them, and then kind of boring when you've got to go through them yet again for achievement hunting which, if you don't do, leave you with a 40-minute game.  While Dead Space: Ignition really runs the gamut, I'll fall in the middle of my opinions and give it an OK.

Partners

But you said...but she said...OOOOH, my medication!

Partners is a new sitcom from the creators of Will and Grace, proving, once again, that egocentric, gay men are hilarious...and that sitcoms are a vile form of entertainment.

Yes Day!

Having young children, I have to read a lot of young children's books.  If I'm fortunate, my son chooses something tolerable; if I'm lucky, my son chooses Yes Day.  The story of a young boy who, once a year,  receives affirmation of his every desire could have easily turned into a cloying, obnoxious trek through the whiny, entitled dreams of a bratty American child.  Instead, it follows the imaginative, whimsical decisions of not just one boy but his entire family.  By the end of the book any reader, young or old, has been swept up in the wonderment that "anything could happen", experiencing the (naive?) belief that a break from the norm provides a special kind of escape to a land where possibilities are endless, even if only temporarily so.  Structurally, the book does a good job of showing, not telling, the results of this anything goes day with enough visual humor to garner a chuckle out of people weary of reading crap like SpongeBob Square Pants TV show adaptations or Fifty Shades of Grey.  I have a bad habit of seeing most children's entertainment as a reminder of just how stupid I must have been as a child; Yes Day just reminds me how special that childhood was.  One of the Best Things Ever to cap off the bedtime routine with my son.

The Walking Dead Episode 3

I love adventure games.  I love zombie games.  Two great tastes that could go great together.  And now, from Telltale Games, comes the adventure game version of The Walking Dead.  Adapted from the comic book (sorry, meh Walking Dead TV show!) The Walking Dead tells the story of convicted murderer Lee and his cadre of the living as they do what they can to survive in the early days of the zombie apocalypse.  This five-episode adventure game recently wrapped up its half-way point and, honestly, unless it poops the bed on the last two, this might be the best game of the year.

Old Doctor Whos

Despite their incredible age and, at times, irrelevance to my modern sensibilities, I'm getting a huge kick watching the surviving episodes of the 1960s Doctor Who.  Due to a policy of taping over episodes once the BBC had determined that there was no longer any financial benefit to them, over 100 episodes of Doctor Who no longer exist.  Fortunately, thanks to off-air taping and random clips gathered from around the world, many of these older episodes at least exist in part.  Compared to the highly edited and (partially) advanced special effects of the modern, excellent Doctor Who series, these original episodes seem more like a play than a TV show.  Yet these quaint adventures with the ridiculous Daleks and giant bee monster-puppets are fun for me and my son versus the more intense modern incarnation of the good doctor.  Old doesn't always mean boring.  A Good way to spend a lazy Sunday.

Wii U Is Coming!

I reeeeeeeally want to get a Wii U.

I Hate My House

Last night, we think our fridge died. Or maybe it's OK, we can't really tell. This morning a forest of mushrooms sprouted in my front yard. "Must be all the rain," said my wife. "But I don't see this crap in anyone else's yard," I said. "They won't hurt anyone," she said.

But they were hurting me.

When I first entered what would become my home, I should have gone with my first opinion: "No fucking way!" It was outdated and smelled like ass. Yet we kept coming back to it, over and over. I slowly allowed myself to believe that we could make this house a home through the sweat of our brows and the strength of our hands.  Tragically, I am not handy and do not want to learn to be handy.  Honestly, I fear that I'm genetically unable to fix anything.  Failure to accomplish something doesn't change the work required.  But, OK, I've got family to help me.  We'll get through these projects!

But things just keep breaking.

First the washer and dryer which came with the house.  It seemed like it worked at the time.  Even after hours of research and attempts to clean out the vent hose, we failed to fix it and we had to buy a new pair...then install a brand new vent which added more time.  The AC had a leak.  The guy who fixed it was really nice but paying to replace all the coolant wasn't.  The bathroom came without a tub.  We had one installed but, in the meantime, all of our mirrors came down or broke, sacrifices to the Indian Burial Ground I'm convinced lies under the back yard.  The bushes are overgrown.  By the time I had hacked away at the jungle surrounding my property so that it no longer blocked the driveway, all that was left were the unsightly twigs underneath.  I guess that's good for Halloween.  None of the light switches are wired to turn anything on.  The cabinets in the kitchen don't allow us to fit a normal size refrigerator.  Come wintertime I'm convinced the snow will collapse our roof, freeing the mice and squirrels that probably live in our attic so they may romp and shit freely over all of our possessions.   

But when will all of this home owner suffering end?

I feel terrible complaining: I agreed that this was the house for us and everyone in our family has been so amazing with time, money, and support.  Year after year the house will improve.  Problems that seemed terrifying at the time will resolve; we will learn some measure of handiness.  My children will grow up here, maybe not until they graduate from high school but definitely until they've both graduated from preschool.  Some of my most important memories will be created here and these negative thoughts will seem hilarious when viewed through the rose-tinted glasses of age.  Yet, right now, this very moment, I hate my house.

But at least the ass smell has finally dissipated.

Comments!

Wow! Somebody that isn't related to me just commented on one of my posts! I have the terrible fear that they're a bot, which would be sad as I responded very nicely to them.  But still, I'll delude myself into thinking that somebody else is interested in my opinion.  But I don't really care about that, do I? I just want to put out my reviews for my own sake of practicing writing and improving my ability to communicate through writing.  No, I'm lying to myself.  I want to be super popular.  It's a sickness.

Revolution

From the creator of Supernatural and executive producer J.J. Abrams (who has no other shows since Alcatraz was cancelled), comes Revolution, the story of a world without electricity.  Speaking of which, my refrigerator broke.

Pac-Man Championship Edition DX

The best part of paying the 50 bucks a year for PlayStation Plus service is the plethora of free games that you can download.  Though I came for the Just Cause 2, Infamous 2, and Ratchet and Clank: All 4 One, I figured it wouldn't hurt to fill my PlayStation 3 hard drive with the Pac-Man Championship Edition DX game which I'd seen was good in some magazine or on the Inter-webs.  And that Inter-web was right.

The Cabin In the Woods Blu-Ray

Since I moved this summer, I'm doing my best to avoid purchasing anything that would take up additional space and/or mass in my house or, God forbid, need to be moved to a different house.  But when I found myself at Best Buy, I braved the Massachusetts sales tax to purchase a copy of The Cabin In the Woods Blu-Ray on the spot.

Go On

It's a new NBC comedy starring Matthew Perry! Well, considering that NBC has been relatively solid in their new comedies over the past few years (Get back in the corner, Whitney!) and the show buzz has been positive, I figured, "why not?"

The 2012 Fall TV Season

Can you believe that the new Fall TV season is upon us already.  So far, I'm trying to catch up with Grimm and Supernatural so that I'll be ready for their respective premieres.  I think I've been hitting a high percentage with my choice for shows the past couple of years (the networks would tend to disagree), having little time for TV that isn't really good or isn't only 30 minutes and is enjoyed by my wife..  I've broken down my viewing schedule by day and labeled which shows are brand new, which are returning favorites, and which I'm most excited about.  

Pumpkin Cream Cheese!

Must everything in this season be pumpkin-related? Though I wasn't particularly hungry when I pulled into the Dunkin Donuts to get a coffee yesterday morning, the sight of a bagel with pumpkin cream cheese snapped me to attention.  "Better give it a try," I thought, ordering the spread on a toasted cinnamon raisin bagel.  And it was Really Good: nice and creamy like a pumpkin pie pressed between two bagel slices.  I wonder if it would be better or worse given a different bagel type...

Harpoon UFO Pumpkin

And the hits just keep on coming with this next pumpkin offering from Harpoon, a brand that I've never been particularly fond of.  But it's pumpkin-related so I guess I have to try it.

From the first sip, I assumed terrible things would happen as this is a very dark beer with a bitter start.  Yet, unlike most bitter beers, I actually enjoyed the rich taste and found the overall experience very refreshing.  Now, a theme of these reviews has been a need for pumpkin beer to taste, y'know, like pumpkin.  And here's where the UFO starts to falter.  By the end of the bottle I had started to get a hint of pumpkin but the overall flavor is more like a twist of pumpkin in the bottle versus a drink brewed with pumpkin.  Still, it had just enough going on to dodge an accusation of false advertising and won me over with a profile I typically avoid.  It's a Good choice for these chillier Fall days.

Para-Norman

My family saw "Coraline" following my son's fabulous vomit explosion at my birthday dinner almost two years ago. And while we ate our fancy reheated dinner out of styrofoam take-out boxes, the film's charmingly grotesque stop-motion figures carried out their retelling of Neil Gaiman's macabre Alice in Wonderland riff. So, I was initially very excited to check out Studio Laika's follow-up, "ParaNorman", especially after seeing the slightly creepy, stylish trailer. But, as reviews came in with a slight "meh" tinge (especially from my favorite movie podcast) and my fears mounted that my oldest son would be too scared to go with me, I decided to take a pass on the theatrical release. Then I got a day off.

Since the only movie playing was "ParaNorman" and my son swore that it wouldn't be too scary for him, I figured we'd give it a shot. And I am really glad we did!

Harpoon Pumpkin Cider

I love pumpkin flavors and I love cider. So, put together we should get an exponential growth in the deliciousness factor, right?

Nope! After my first sip of Harpoon Pumpkin Cider, my smile turned to a grimace. Letting out an audible groan, my wife asked, "So, did you like it?" "It's awful," I said, passing it to her as if she would be thankful of the favor following my ringing endorsement. For the first time in my life, I foisted a cider onto another.

Frankly, and it pains me to say this, the beer is so cloyingly sweet that I have a hard time not gagging. When I tried it later I focused on the pumpkin versus cider flavors. When separating these out, the beer becomes an interesting exercise in flavor profiling. In that regard it actually tastes better drunk slowly and thoughtfully. But, please, don't try to pound this Meh concoction for fear of swearing off pumpkin forever.

Blue Moon Harvest Pumpkin

For my mom's birthday, my wife, the original pumpkin beer lover, picked up a six-pack of Blue Moon's pumpkin offering.  As a relatively wussy beer drinker, I found this entry to be a bit too rich for my blood with a pretty bitter aftertaste.  The bigger problem: only a slight hint of pumpkin.  Why are so many beers claiming pumpkin taste then burying the lead with other bold flavors? If I wanted Mega-Hoppy Dark beer, that's what I'd be buying.  I left this one on the table for a while and, when I returned to sip my warm beer, I found that some of the intensity had vanished and the overall taste markedly improved.  So, an overall OK experience.

FALL-ELUJAH 2012 - The Schedule

Fall being my favorite season means I have many exciting activities which I very much enjoy forcing my family to attend with me.  My goal this year was to leave no weekend unfilled with the greatest in seasonal celebrations.  Read on to see the itinerary so far.  Can it be packed with more awesomeness?

IHOP in Northborough, MA

I love breakfast food so very very much.  I also love lots of food for low prices.  If you could somehow combine these two loves, I'd be looking at one hour of bliss.  

As part of my day off, my son and I decided to start at the newly opened IHOP in Northborough, MA.  Our current closest IHOP is a bit older and run down with an open kitchen taking up most of the space.  Thus when I can convince my wife to join me for a Sunday breakfast there (or a breakfast for dinner) the place is completely crowded.  Fine when its just us, disaster with two small children.  So given an early morning on a Monday in a new location, I figured that there would be no way we'd have to wait for a table.

Rob's Day Off

Because Owen had a dentist's appointment in the middle of the day and work's too busy bastardizing my work to care if I'm there, I took the day off with my oldest son.  But, before the fun could begin, there was work to be done!

Dead Space iOS

I haven't been the hugest supporter of mobile games, though I have enjoyed my share of them ("Angry Birds", I heart thee).  Add that to being someone who frequently falls down the rabbit hole of franchise churnouts and we lead back to "Dead Space" (or "Dead Space iOS" to prevent confusion with the Xbox 360/PS3 game).  Having two kids leaves me very little time to focus on any given hobby so, sometimes, picking up my phone and plowing through a few minutes of handheld fun is all I can hope for, but can an iPhone game deliver the same scares as its console cousin?

Part of the "Kiss Me, I'm a Mutated Corpse" line.

Well, maybe not scares but it can definitely capture the action and fun weapon grind of the original.  "Dead Space iOS" deals with a saboteur on the Sprawl space station, duped into releasing hordes of necromorphs upon the general population and the attempt to fight them back, and so on, and so forth.  As far as story goes, you're either a "Dead Space" player interested in the Church of Unitology or someone interested in an action/adventure game to play on your phone.  Either way, this is probably worth your time.

While the controls take some time to get used to, given some time any player will be able to figure out the two-finger mechanics, though Dead Space iOS takes more dexterity than the average phone game.  Stick with it and, by the end, you'll be running circles around monsters.  I noticed a weird tendency of my character to do a sort of diagonal run which made navigation during intense battles a bit wonky but never so much that I became frustrated.

If you're here, you're tripping balls.

And that constant push for upgrades is the most enjoyable part of the game.  Much like the original, you'll delight in finding cash or power nodes to fill out the specs of your various tools of dismemberment, fighting a little farther to fill in the maze of incremental improvements until you're ready to decimate every oncomer.  Which leaves many of the battles by the end of the game feeling overly repetitive and far from challenging; as fights become increasingly rote, the shortcomings of the platform and the scope of the game become more and more apparent.  Still, some cool third act story twists and the ease of the final fights make finishing Dead Space iOS a worthwhile way to spend an evening.  It's a fun addition to the Dead Space franchise but only players seeking a slightly more robust game for their phones would consider it Really Good.  For a bonus, play it on the iPad in magnified mode to actually see what you're doing!

The End of Summer: Mix

While waiting for our broken ferry to start, my family did some browsing on Main Street.  What at first appeared to be nothing but a boutique women's clothing store, soon came to be known as a store of note, featuring items that made me double-over with laughter. 

These made me laugh creepily loud

Sadly, my wife claimed that 25 dollars was too much to spend on baby clothes.  I'm convinced that either "I Can't Read" or "I Might Barf" would pay for themselves ten times over in the joy they would bring the general population blessed to view my child.  Guess we can't all be world peace-mongers.

Best Thing Ever, at least in the realm of baby couture.

The End of Summer: Porto Pizza

When our ferry back broke down, we were left with unenviable task of needing to find lunch.  We found it at nearby Porto Pizza, a pizza-by-the-slice pizzeria directly across from the ferry.  Everyone ordered something different.  I enjoyed the deep dish tomato and bacon, my wife, the pesto, and my oldest a pepperoni.  We topped it all off with a cup of Del's frozen lemonade.

It's hard to really screw up pizza and this was no exception.  I enjoyed the pizza for the most part, though when I get a deep dish pizza I want  it to be deep.  My slice felt more like a regular depth than anything else. The toppings felt fresh enough and the crust was a good mix of crunchy and doughy, but nothing too exceptional.  An altogether OK way to end the trip.

The pepperoni was rated "Good"

Shock Top Pumpkin Wheat beer

As part of any fall celebration comes seasonal foods. And what's more seasonal now than pumpkin? And what's more fun to review than beer?

Pumpkin beer tasting dates back to more than 6 years ago when, on a trip to Salem, my future wife and I ordered a pumpkin beer. She was blown away by the flavor and, since then, doesn't miss a chance to order one. In honor of her preference and the onrushing Fall-ellujah tour, I figured why not document the currently available pumpkin brews?

Shock Top Pumpkin Wheat was actually our third such purchase, though the first that I've written up for the site. I've been a big fan of Shock Top beer for some time and was very excited to give this a try...and then I wasn't.

Though the beer itself is fine, it contains a very weak pumpkin flavor, more an afterthought than a main ingredient. Kind of like when someone offers you a refreshing lime seltzer and you get excited that you're about to imbibe something akin to Sprite, but, no, it's just seltzer and, oh yeah, a whiff of lime.

The beer itself has a nice, clean taste though is a bit darker than some of the other Shock Top wheats I've had. It wasn't bad but failed to capture a fall memory, i.e., OK.

The End of Summer: Black Dog Part Deux

And we came back for breakfast! The Black Dog actually has two locations and when our original breakfast choices were closed, we decided to check out the other.  Now, I'm a HUGE breakfast aficionado so when I saw our options being pretty limited to bagels and breakfast pastries, I was a little disappointed.  No omelets, no buy!

But, surprise, surprise when my bagel sandwich utterly blew my mind with its high quality.  Though just two fried eggs, swiss cheese, and bacon on an everything bagel, these items combined Voltron-like to perform possibly the  greatest bagel sandwich in the universe.  And since I'm too weak for regular coffee, I enjoyed a delightful caramel latte, pinky fully extended.  

My son enjoyed smashing the crap out of his corn muffin.  

With humble origins comes this Amazing breakfast for the whole family.

The End of Summer: The Black Dog

Might I be one of the special breed of people who have been to the Black Dog restaurant? Long (incorrectly?) perceived as a status symbol akin to driving a sports car, the ubiquitous Black Dog shirts that my friends at school wore spoke to me of the far off land of Martha's Vineyard, a summer place where only the richest of us could go.  And, finally, this hoi polloi received the golden ticket and was able to dine at the mythical establishment.  Following our trip, my kids both have Black Dog shirts meaning that, someday, my family will be mistaken for wealthy people and spit upon by the unwashed masses.  Go ahead, 99%; I savor every bit of your misdirected hatred!

I started the meal with a bang, ordering the Black Dog sangria followed by the Hungarian mushroom soup and the lobster roll.  Lobster may not be my favorite, but I wanted to look both classy and have fries.

Ignore the vomit-look.

The Hungarian mushroom soup (named after the source of the paprika used in it) was a solid, creamy concoction with some nice big chunks of mushrooms.  I didn't taste the paprika so perhaps this soup only exists as a normal ol' mushroom soup.  But I'm a sucker for a fungi-related soup so I enjoyed it a lot.

Normally when I order something at a well-known restaurant, I expect to pay premium prices, assuming that the big bucks pay more for the name than the quality of the food.  But when I pay 25 bucks for a lobster roll that is hefted upon the table and has, literally, exploded the bun on which it sits, that's a freakin' value! I'm no seafood expert so I will intelligently refer to it as "lobstery" and "not too mayonaissey".  And it came with big honkin' fries and slaw! Combined together, my Black Dog experience rates a Really Good.

Happy Birthday, Lola!

Becoming a new tradition, our trip to Martha's Vineyard also commemorates when we remember my son's teddy bear, Lola's, birthday.  Not her actual birthday which I believe is in July but when we always remember that it has happened and should probably be celebrated.  Unlike last year we weren't able to fake out the waitress into believing that one of the paying customers had a birthday so we had to settle for special desserts instead.  My son wanted to eat chocolate cake but kindly asked for apple crisp since that's what Lola would want.  We reminded him she would want him to eat what he wanted and should have the cake; he took little convincing.

Happy birthday, Lola! You may be worn for an eight-year-old teddy bear but you are very loved.

The End of Summer: Flying Horses

As a HUUUUGE fan of the president I asked if we could go to Mad Martha's for ice cream. Everyone ordered something good. I prefer an ice cream drink and had a delightful tropical concoction. My kids also found something for their palates.

An entire cone! Great parenting, everyone.

M+M Cream!

Yes, I like pina coladas.

For some exercise, we wandered over to the Flying Horses, the oldest carousel in America. And despite being over 100 years old, they let me and my youngest ride! Now, Flying Horses holds the distinction of not only being old but of providing the rider with the chance to grab the brass ring for a free ride.  Since I was born before the Internet, I knew of carousels at some point in history having rings which riders could try to grab, ergo the saying "grab the brass ring".  This contraption was not at all as I thought it would be from TV shows.  Next to either side of the carousel were two thin channels for metal rings to roll down.  Rings were slightly larger than a half-dollar coin and could be grabbed by hooking a finger through them.

I didn't grab any since, being only 11-months-old, my son needed me to keep a hand on him the whole time. But when the announcement came over the PA, "The brass rings are out", I kept my eyes open, just in case. And as we came around the bend, there it was; the two people in front of us blew their chance and I went for it, bowling over my son in the process.  "Please don't shove your kid onto the ground," I thought.  Fortunately my son survived my mad grasp and we won a free ride.  I still have the ticket since my oldest refused to get on with me.  Guess I'll save it as my moment of triumph.

"Outta the way, baby!"

The End of Summer: Kite-tastrophy!

The spot on the picture is a ghost.  Or black hole.

For the 2nd year we attended the kite festival in Owen Park. My son was willing to try our fabulous frog kite for a few minutes, though was a bit freaked out by the unwinding spool.

I attempted to break my record for kite distance; it amazes me how high these things can get. Most kites I've flown on the mainland have crashed and burned, strange considering the non-combustible nature of their fuel source. But next to the ocean, the wind blows so strongly that kites fly with no effort.

Sadly, the wind blew in the direction of the sun and I had to abandon the effort before melting my retinas.

Pictured: new Robot kite, not superior to frog kite in anyway.

The day ended when my youngest decided that the spool of string was both his and the greatest toy of all time. Still, a fine end to a really good day.

The End of Summer: Martha's Vineyard

And so the summer ends with a trip to Martha's Vineyard. As a child I hated beaches and hated snobs. I still hate both but at least can appreciate a nice trip to a scenic New England landmark.

View from the back

We're waiting at the car ferry now with my oldest son about to go into a fit about his sudden need to pee when embarkation is imminent. Ah, children!