The Other Guys

It's another sloppy impromptu mash-up from Adam McKay and Will Ferrell!  Guess where this review is going?

"The Other Guys" stars Mark Wahlberg and Will Ferrell as cops, one with an embarrassing mark on his jacket, the other with a dark past.  That sound like an interesting set-up...and it is, with some funny twists.  The two cops are at the bottom of the barrel and when supercops The Rock and Samuel L. Jackson buy it, the two of them embark on a case that could move them up to the big time.  And various jokes ensue.

This is not a good cop movie.  Nor is it a great comedy.  It has a number of funny parts, but the humor isn't at all plot-based, which might be a good thing since few scenes are ruined by bad concepts...though few are saved by humor as well.  Some jokes hit hard and some jokes fall hard.  Your enjoyment or disappointment in one scene will probably veer back and forth  This is a much better movie than their previous collaboration, "Step Brothers" in that the plot does make sense and does go somewhere, though it's a bit of a sloppy journey.  Are these two good cops in need of a break? Are they consummate screw-ups? Should I care since this is just a stupid comedy?

The jokes come fast and furious, which is good since they only hit about 50-60% of the time.  The best ones involve Wahlberg (who is pretty funny in this) and Ferrell yelling at each other, including an amazing comeback involving devious tuna and lions.  Michael Keaton deserves some recognition as the hard-nosed captain moonlighting as a Bed, Bath, and Beyond manager with a penchant for TLC.  While the hit-miss ratio is a bit too even, when the jokes were funny, I laughed out loud.  When they didn't, I wasn't annoyed...just not moved to be amused.

"Say hi to your mother for me"

If McKay and Ferrell want to up their game, they might need to take a page from Apatow comedies (or even some of their older films like "Talladega Nights" or "Anchorman") in either tightening the narrative or upping the absurdity factor of the film's characters.  "The Other Guys" would have worked so much better with an anchorman showdown! As it, it was OK.

The Fall

I'd heard about this movie on the now defunct Ebert and Roeper. It was the follow-up to director Tarsem Singh's "The Cell", a neat, little thriller with J-Lo as a psychiatrist who could enter other people's minds. The movie was pretty memorable for the weird dream-like visuals and a fabulous horse vivisection that regularly makes grossest scene lists. "The Fall" sounded like a similar thing: bright, weird imagery with a different plot-coating. And, it pretty much was!

Lee Pace stars as Roy, an injured stuntman trying to end it all over a failed love and a possible lifetime of paralysis. Unwittingly in on his scheme is Alexandria (Cantinca Untaru), a five-year-old with a broken arm who is enamored of the increasingly epic tale Roy tells her about a masked bandit and his companions on a quest for revenge. Though the hospital scenes are pretty solid, it's scenes with Roy's story that really show off Singh's imagniation. Location shooting for this monster must have been a bitch! Each part of the story takes part in elaborate desert and Mediterranean cities with bright colors out of the wazoo. Blood is RED. The city is BLUE. The princess's gown is PINK. If you love fantastic imagery, these scenes will definitely pique your interest. But I know plenty of people who hate bright, crazy shit like that so be prepared to vomit if you are one of them.

I don't remember Charles Darwin wearing such a bright fur coat.

 So you've got an epic fantasy story book-ended by an increasingly depressing real-life for our characters. It's very "Wizard of Oz", down to many characters from the hospital taking roles in Roy's story which would have been way cooler if I actually remembered who most of those characters were. There's an old man who can take out his teeth but he's so made up in the story I didn't actually know it was him until the end. There's the ice guy. There's Roy's stuntman friend who is in only one real-life scene. There's another guy who had some backstory in the real world that I utterly missed so I never knew he was supposed to be anyone other than Charles Darwin, the flamboyantly dressed naturalist.  Other moments get the story's real-world reflection right.  There's a cute bit where Alexandria's father plays the part of the bandit until Roy realizes that his inclusion isn't entertaining her so Roy has to swap himself in instead.  Also, as Roy becomes more depressed, the tone of the story he tells changes and becomes a lot more violent (I really wondered where the R-rating came in until about the halfway point).  Regardless, much of what should have been kinda cute fell a little flat for me.

In fact, despite the BIG production numbers and EPIC sets and EXTRODINARILY BRIGHT costumes, the movie is often very cold. Many of the real-world characters often act as if they're delivering story-bits on command instead of organically which doubly yanks you out of the movie. Frankly, a lot of Roy's story, which should serve as a bolder reflection of real emotions comes off as pretty...emotionless. I spent the majority of this movie seeing a lot of style with very little substance, never being fully drawn in to either of the worlds Singh created. Which would make this movie very OK.

BUT

There were a lot of little touches that carried me through. The only real emotions came from the two leads.  Cantinca was adorable; perhaps I've gotten soft in my recent fatherhood, but every line from her seemed real and struck a chord with me. In one scene, as Roy passes out from a possible morphine overdose, Alexandria lamely taps his shoulders, playfully calling out that it's not time for bed before giving him a kiss goodnight.  There are enough scenes in which Singh plays Alexandria's innocence with the audience's expectations to give the film a pulse.  Also, as Roy's story became increasingly darker to suit his deepening depression, her pleas for him to stop hurt me to watch. Lee Pace again proves himself a criminally underrated talent. I don't think I've seen many actors pull off depressed so well. He's angry, sad, frustrated but can still switch on normal when he has to. That guy deserves more work! Combined with the great craftsmanship of the film itself, the best monkey death scene ever, and an ending that left a sweet aftertaste, I decided to dub this a GOOD movie.

At least watch it for the monkey death scene. Tarsem Singh pulls out a hell of a performance from that little guy.

This is not the monkey death scene.  If this picture excited you, you might not be able to handle the real thing.

The Oregon Trail - Official Trailer

I saw a sketch like this in college. Though the sketch was a bit funnier, the production values here are quite good and a got a number of good laughs. And no one wants to be a carpenter. This is OK+.

Alan Wake DLC - The Signal

I loved Alan Wake when it was released a few months back (It fell between Really Good and Amazing) and getting the chance to play the first DLC episode for free due to a great early purchase deal made me remember all the things I loved about it and made it stand out.

"The Signal" take place directly after the end of Alan Wake. The "last time on Alan Wake" segment that starts each episode of the original game makes a lot more sense coming in months after the original as a quick TV-like means of reminding the player what the heck went on in those final moments. Alan spends the episode following the GPS signal (using his Verizon phone! Product placement!) put out by Bioshock afficianado Tom Zane through various landscapes ripped from the original game, each representing Alan's increasingly tortured psyche. Now, the idea of retreading tons of forest levels that you already played through in the original game sounds pretty boring; however, the designers at Remedy put some really fun twists on what could have been a painfully repetitive journey. For example, at one point Alan reaches a locked church which, in the original game, led to a standoff with the Taken (possessed townspeople); here, it leads to an exploding deer float, which attacks you, and a very fun experience blowing zombie villagers away with your flashlight and some well-placed blast furnaces.

Each section felt both familiar and fresh, reminding me of many of my favorite parts of the original while providing me with some new challenges. Some people really disliked the combat in Alan Wake in which our protagonist must burn off a layer of the oily Dark Presence from his enemies using a flashlight, flares, and flash grenades before finishing them off with some traditional weapons. I, for one, got quite a kick out of the combat: running and dodging towards the next light; dropping flares to slow an oncoming rush of enemies; flashing my light to stun my foes for that extra second needed to reload. If you felt the same way about combat in the main game, you'll enjoy this DLC just fine. If you hated it...well, you probably hated Alan Wake so why would you want to play more of it?


Some gripes though. Alan Wake had an awesome story and some very funny characters. Other than some cameos as cardboard cutout collectibles and a few funny exchanges with your agent, Barry, in dream-form, "The Signal" is a solo affair that only inches the game's overall story forward. Since story was one of the selling points of the main game, this does seem like a bit of an omission. There's a second DLC pack on the way and talk of a sequel. Perhaps "The Signal" will come together as a small piece of the larger narrative. Or maybe it'll just be a fun diversion.

So, for free, the episode is a cool redux of some of your old stomping grounds, as well as a few new places, giving you more opportunities to play in the world of Bright Falls and to experience the always creepy feeling stemming from running through the woods at night with killers on the loose. Reminds me of my childhood! For five to seven bucks, I probably still would have had the same amount of fun. It's more of a game I enjoy and to receive it for nothing is a great value. "The Signal" is Really Good.

Limbo

Though independent games have been around forever, the advent of online consoles has made indie games much easier to find and to acquire. Though there are hundreds of indie games released each year (check The AV Club's Sawbuck Gamer articles for a round up of some of the more interesting choices), only a few ever get widespread attention, usually due to some interesting hook. Months ago I had a chance to play Braid, a time-traveling Super Mario-esque adventure with a "brilliant" story. Though the gameplay was awesome, the story left me a bit...cold. Still, I had a great time playing it. So color me happy when a Braid-esque game, minus pretentious story was released. In the midst of downloading a bevy of Rock Band tracks, I made sure to download Danish developer PlayDead's Limbo, the first game of Microsoft's big Xbox Live Summer Games.

Limbo may remind those of you who played it of Braid, though instead of bright water-colored art and time-travel mechanics, Limbo comes in an entirely black-and-white world filled with a variety of crafty puzzles, creepy monsters, and a bunch of brutal ways to die. The story revolves around your search for your sister but other than the game description on Xbox Live and the five-second ending, you wouldn't even know that there was a story. While I typically dislike when games fail to provide a clear narrative, I could really care less with a game like this. Limbo plays a lot like many of the side-scrolling puzzlers of yore like Abe's Oddysee, Heart of Darkness (perhaps its closest relative), and Out Of This World in which a wall is put in your face every few steps and only through careful observation and manipulation of your surroundings can you proceed. Unlike some puzzle games, Limbo spends a long time making sure that every puzzle feels natural and you, as a player, are never forced to make wild guesses or to try to follow the designer's nonsensical logic. I only got stuck once in the whole game and the solution appeared so clear once I read it. Though not every environmental puzzle in games of this type is a winner, nearly every puzzle in Limbo is. Starting with some simple, "swing on a vine, push a box" puzzles, the game never stopped showing off its variety from puzzles with gravity to mechanical puzzles to some really weird puzzles featuring quick timing and a brain parasite...nothing you see too often! I played through the game in about five or six hours and never got bored.

Other than the amazing game design, the sepia tones are reminiscent of a silent film like "Nosferatu" with each new area from forest to dilapidated city maintaining a menacing tone due to the dark always surrounding you. I never would have thought a black and white game would get high praise for its graphics, but I found myself truly caught up in the world of Limbo. Stylized beats life-like every time for me. Though the graphics are very cool, there isn't much in the way of a soundtrack. A few small music pieces play during some game events, but that's it. Still, I suppose orchestral soundtracks wouldn't totally fit with the feel of the game and its otherworldliness.

Limbo costs about 15 bucks in Microsoft space points and only took me about five to six hours to beat. Sure, there are a number of secrets to look for (I found four all by myself!) and a big challenge of beating the whole game without dying more than five times, but once you've solved the puzzles, they're solved. Some might still give you trouble, but you could probably breeze through the game a lot quicker in a second or third playthrough. Still, I had an awesome time every minute I played Limbo. From gruesome death scene to gruesome death scene (and you will die a lot) I kept coming back for more. The game never felt frustrating and always came at me with something new and interesting. Limbo really wants you to have fun and to experience its clever puzzles, not to punish you or to waste your time. I made many good memories while playing this game; regardless of the cost to time-spent-playing ratio being a bit , high Limbo is an evening and a half worth of pure, unadulterated fun. Please play this Amazing game.

P.S. When I went to Wikipedia to find the developer's name, I saw some other reviews...which said many of the same things I said! So I'm either becoming as good a writer as some professionals or we are all hacks. Probably the latter.

The Crazies (2010)

I really love zombie-esque movies, even though very few of them are that good. Still, I keep trying; that's why I rented "The Crazies" remake. I had a fun time watching it while Facebooking about it. There's really a whole subset of TV and movies that have been made much better by my screwing around on the Internet, so this review might be more positive towards the movie then it deserves, but, oh well! Movies and art are subjective anyway!

Timothy Olyphant does an awesome job playing a small-town sheriff who balances just the right mix of bad-assery and normal guy-ishness, which is really nice to see. He quickly figures out that something's not right in the town when a rash of violent crimes occurs and tracks down the source of the epidemic to a crashed cargo plane. Soon the government arrives and its a matter of Tim breaking quarantine to save his wife, restrained due to possible contamination. The rest of the movie plays out like a pretty straightforward run from the "zombies" while dodging the government and slowly figuring out that there's no one to trust!

However, inbetween the straightforwardness are a LOT of really excellent scenes. Though you may have seen the car wash scene in the trailer, it's actually much cooler when the whole set piece is played out (and don't move your eyes until the excellent coda finishes) in context with the screaming nurse-friend, the kick-ass sheriff's wife (Rhada Mitchell), and the increasingly crazy deputy.


Additionally, many of the standard supporting characters (e.g., the deputy sidekick who may already be infected, the screaming nurse-friend) behave in non-cliched ways. For example, instead of turning on the protaganists when they begin to suspect him, the deputy actually tries to listen to reason. It's very sad to see someone realize that he's slowly going mad and having to try to make the best decisions he can to give his friends a fighting chance. And I'm shocked that more movies don't give their protaganists half a brain. Maybe in the 60's and 70's, heroes could spend more time dicking around with no clue that anything sinister is going on, but 30-40 years later I can't believe that the sheriff couldn't connect the dots with two weird crimes and a uniformed body in the swamp to figure out that something has contaminated the water. But Timothy Olyphant did! Thank you for allowing me to suspend some disbelief, "The Crazies".

So how do you rate a somewhat standard horror movie that takes some nice steps forward to freshen up the genre? I thought about an ok rating, but I had a nice time watching this film and was surprised that it did do a lot of non-standard things during its runtime. So, I'll be somewhat kind and bump up to a Really Good!

Kick-Ass, the movie

I've been a fan of Mark Millar since his work with Bryan Hitch on "The Ultimates", probably my favorite super-heroes in a realistic world story ever. Since then, he's remained a pretty popular writer and, when I heard that he and John Romita, Jr. were co-creating a series together which already had Hollywood buzz, I knew that it would be worth picking up...for the huge price inflation at least! So, when the comic was released in 2008, I grabbed it and, for the most part, really enjoyed it. Some of the pacing seemed a bit weird and I thought Millar went a bit overboard on how badly beaten one would get if one decided to become a costumed vigilante (can nothing go right for poor Dave Lizewski), but the action and overall plot keep me very entertained.

Now, comic to movie adaptations have been notoriously hit or miss in the past but, since the "Kick-Ass" movie was being created nearly simultaneously with the comic book and since the comic itself was fully couched in the real world, I held a lot of hope for the "Kick-Ass" movie. Plus, most of the reviews I've read so far have been positive, so I went into the movie expecting quite a lot...and got back some of that optimism.

"Kick-Ass" the movie starts exactly like the comic book and follow most of the major story beats, character development, and over-the-top violence. These are all good things. Sadly, enough details are changed that much of the comic's pacing is shifted by the middle of the movie. Especially sad are some of the changes made to Nicholas Cage's character Big Daddy; not to spoil them, but his character arc in the comic was totally unexpected and its change really diminished his interest as a character. Also, despite what you may have heard about the violence of this movie, much of it directed at children, the film never seemed to capture the impact of every punch that the artwork of John Romita, Jr. in the comic book. Perhaps it's unfair to compare JRJR's art to a film as no one creates a visual of a character drooling blood like he does, but I really wanted more ass-kicking in "Kick-Ass".

Really, my biggest problem was the film's ending. The "real people doing stupid super-hero thing" point of the movie was almost utterly abolished by an over-the-top finale which would have been more in place in the ridiculous "Spider-Man 3". Though this didn't ruin the movie's good performances, especially by Christopher Mintz-Plasse in a non-McLovin role and Chloe Moretz as the totally awesome Hit-Girl, it did leave me slightly disappointed. Much like in his "Stardust", another adaptation of an awesome property that just didn't entertain me as much as the source material, director and co-screenwriter Matthew Vaughn has made a pretty good movie...it just leaves me wanting more.

"Kick-Ass" is OK.

Waiting for Vacation

Man, I super hate wating for vacation. It's such an excuse to turn every free moment into a moment to screw around. Should I start a project for the class? No, not enough time to finish it before school ends. Should I get some things organized? No, it'll take too long to finish; then I'll just have a bunch of crap lying out while I'm gone and it'll get lost.

Just nothing but excuses. Waiting for vacation is AWFUL! And whining about it is also pretty AWFUL.

Hellboy: The Wild Hunt

I've become more and more interested in the crazy universe that Mike Mignola has been creating for over 10 years in the pages of Hellboy and B.P.R.D. Though it started out as a series I read because I heard it was good, across the past few trade paperbacks, it has truly gelled into a series with which I am utterly in love. Perhaps it was the delay between my reading of each volume or a new cosmic awareness that I've recently developed. Whatever the case, the latest volume of Hellboy is all kinds of awesome.



The story of "The Wild Hunt" picks up pretty closely after the end of the last volume, "Darkness Calls", with our titular hero visiting old haunts in England and the witches of the world preparing for war with humanity. Hellboy is invited to take part in a giant-killing party, the Wild Hunt, following which much unrelated to the actual giant killing ensues. As Hellboy's journey to discover more about himself unfolds, Hellboy himself continues to evolve as one of the more three-dimensional characters in comics. Though he started as a "It's Clobberin' Time"-sort of paranormal investigator, Hellboy has become increasingly conflicted in his role on Earth. Can he really ever be human? Should he even try to be? And while Hellboy grows, so too do his supporting characters, especially the Grugach, a tortured fairy stuck in the body of a pig. Watching Grugach foment war against the world simply to carry out his own increasingly impotent revenge fantasy is almost heart-wrenching.

Mignola continues to grow as a master of pacing and though he is no longer the artist of his creation, Duncan Fegredo continues to keep his work Mignola-esque enough to capture the dark, forboding nature of what has always been a horror comic. Yet, as well as being a horror comic, Hellboy serves as a modern fairy tale; at times it reads like the awesomest Grimm/Anderson fan-fiction battle royale ever!



Well, that actually sounds kind of lame...but trust me. For story fans, you get your money's worth with each collection. If you've never read Hellboy, you better go back and purchase 20 volumes of it and its companion book B.P.R.D. Read them all, then pick "The Wild Hunt" up. It and the series as a whole is decidedly Amazing.

Tommaso's Trattoria in Southborough, MA

Apparently it's restaurant week even in little Southborough, MA. So what was a chance for my wife, Diana, to take me on a multi-couples get-together was also a chance to sample the food at Tommaso's Trattoria for a (possibly) reduced price. Now, I'm no food critic at all, but it's my blog, so I'll review whatever I want!

The restaurant claimed to specialize in Tuscan-style food. They make their own pastas and cured meats. It was a medium-sized place with an open kitchen which I think always looks very nice. The decor was a very classy "Olive Garden". Our waitress was pretty friendly; more on that in a moment.

For 33 bucks, you received the restaurant week special which included a starter, entree, and desert course. The portions were actually pretty decent for what could have been micro-sized sampler plates. In addition, if you wanted, you could tack on another 15 bucks for wine pairings with each course. "A-ha!" I said, "I love trying fancy new wines with my fancy new foods. I shall pay the full price."

I ordered a salad with peppers, egg, and mushrooms; Diana ordered a soup. The first course was very tasty with nice, fresh ingredients (at least, I assume that is what they were). I attempted to be food-critiquey by smashing as many parts of my salad together on my fork as I could. This turned out to be pretty hard as the lettuce resisted my efforts to spear it. I mostly just scooped as much as I could into my mouth at once, my usual dining technique.

For an entree, I ordered the pasta bolognese while Diana ordered the beef brisket. I absolutely loved the pasta. It came with a delicious meat sauce; the noodles tasted as if they'd only recently been made, which is not a texture I am that familiar with and would love to experience more. And I managed to eat them without slurping them up and spilling sauce all over myself. The beef was pretty good too, but I enjoyed my meal enough that I didn't want to continue with my wife's plan of splitting everything.

Finally, for desert, we had a freshly made tirimisu. Plus: it did not come in a gelatinous rectangular prism shape but was instead made of lady fingers soaked in booze with a custard on top. Minus: it didn't taste much different than many of the various tirimisus I've had before. But still, pretty good.

All in all, I really enjoyed dinner. It was good food, served fast, only a little more expensive than I would have liked, and very pleasant company.

BUT

When my first wine pairing came out, I thought it was a joke. For 15 dollars, I assumed I would get nearly a full glass. What was poured was about a gulp's worth. Perhaps I am cheap or don't understand market forces, but I can get two entire bottles of fabulous wine for 15 dollars (and, if I want something mediocre, about 8 bottles of Charles Shaw at Trader Joe's) so why the fuck would they only give me a thimble-full. I weepily asked my waitress if that was all I was getting. She assured me that it was a fair amount. "They even have special measures for it," she exclaimed. But my Oliver Twist routine must have tugged some heartstrings for the next two pairings were a bit more full. Or else they lost the original serving pipette and couldn't get a replacement in time. The wines were pretty good: not too fruity, not too acidic, pretty clean tasting. Still, 15 bucks isn't really worth the chance to taste something at a fancy dinner.

My final rating: Really Good, though skip the wine pairing and just show up wasted instead.

Rob's Reviews

Being an opinionated sort, I decided that is was of great import to share my reviews of things from around the world. So much stuff is crap--books, movies, TV, politics, things that happen in life--or mediocre that someone needs to point it out. So I guess I will! Though I primarily like to review things, I reserve the right to have an experimental jazz odyssey whenever I choose. Thank you, Internet, for giving me the unalienable right to be a jerk at will!

Some ground rules that may change whenever I want them to:

1) Below is my system of rating things from highest to lowest.
Best Thing Ever
Amazing
Really Good
OK
Meh
Bad
Awful
I Hate It So Very Much

2) My reviews will usually contain swear words. It's what I was famous for in college and what separates us from the dolphins in our language development. I'll try to keep them at a tolerable level and make note of posts that are a little more blue than usual. Still, I write to be understood by adults. If you are a sophisticated toddler, thanks for reading, but I don't intend to change this about myself or my humor writing.

3) Special features may include the "BUT" section in which I explain how something amazing turns into something meh or bad; the "My Mom Would Stop Watching Here" section in which I determine where exactly my sweet mother would give up on something for one of various arbitrary mom reasons; and the "Life Happens" section in which I provide caveats for why your review may be way different than mine due to subjective difference between us.

4) Comment as much as you would like. Your comments give me sustenance and immortality. Heck, suggest things for me to review. That way I can be lazy about this blog I'm doing just for fun.

And with those out of the way, here's my first review!

Rob Reviews His Blog Rules

I made them quickly as my son is asking me to take out the Rock Band drums for him to wail on. So, for now, they are OK.